Nice Weekend

Julianna and I got to enjoy this weekend. Its funny how just feeling ok makes you enjoy things. It doesn't have to be anything special. We did a few little things. We went grocery shopping, which she loves. We hung out and did "Momma cuddles", a big favorite.

I am far from back to normal, but I am functioning nicely. I still have a terrible cough. It sounds like Smudge did when I brought him home as a puppy. I was thinking I must have kennel cough. I know people can't get it but it sure sounds like it. I also still have GI issues, neuropathy and mouth sores. But, I am 1000% better. Its amazing how it happens. When its bad I know I will be better but I can't wrap my head around it. Then when I feel better I am thrilled. I am very blessed to be out of that darkness.

Work

Working today wasn't really too bad. It was pretty passive since I just sat in the classroom all day. I still have a pretty bad cough and GI disturbances. I did have to leave the room a lot because of both of these. I did make it through the day though. I have noticed that I am starting to feel so much better each day. I love it! I do hate that I will go back into the "chemo hole" three more times. I am currently enjoying that the side effects are slowly starting to alleviate.

I have had three chemo treatments now. Each time I have been overwhelmed by it and each time I have been amazed when I start to feel better. I guess I know on an intellectual level that it will get better but it is hard to believe when I am feeling so bad. I feel like the physical equivalent of a manic depressive.

Yippie!!! Things are getting better!

Hair loss, Cr. Citron, Work

I lost a lot of hair yesterday. I would say under 5% but it still seemed like a lot to me. No one would ever notice. I still have a lot of hair. It was just distressing to see it come out. I was told I would still have some loss. I am so glad I have the vast majority of my hair.

I went to see Dr. Citron. (oncologist) He asked me how I was feeling and what side effects I was having. I told him I had facial twitching, bloody nose, loss of sensation in hands/feet, headaches, nausea, diarrhea, muscle and joint pain, extreme taste changes, mouth sores, rash, heartburn and fatigue. He said they were all chemo side effects. He said that taxotere, carboplatin and herceptin is a particularly difficult chemo regimen. I feel like I am doing terribly with this. He said the fact that I didn't have to be hospitalized yet or need a blood transfusion puts me ahead of a lot of patients on these drugs. He looked at my blood counts. Every single one is below normal. He said that that is to be expected after chemo but they should start coming up on their own now. He said they should be close to normal before the next chemo treatment in two weeks.

Dr. Citron offered me the option of lowering the chemo dose and doing it for a longer period of time. He said it is an option, but that it is ill advised because any cancer cells that haven't been killed at the high dose will likely survive multiple hits with low dose chemotherapy. Obviously I am not going to take this option. What is the point of doing it if it is unlikely to work? If I was going to quit doing it (and I would love to) I wouldn't do the low dose. On a bright note, my herceptin has been changed from every week to every three weeks. That was the original plan, every week at first and then every three weeks for a year. So, it will now be every three weeks. Yippie!

I am going back to work today. I wouldn't because I do not feel well at all, but I do not have a choice. I have to attend my NY State paramedic refresher. I will be in the classroom from 7 am to 5 pm today through Friday and then next week Monday through Thursday. It is required to maintain my paramedic certification. My certification expires February 28th. It is a big deal if it lapses.

I know I will start feeling better in the next few days. It has taken about 10 days after each chemo treatment.

Thanks everyone for the help and support.

Chilling

Julianna is taking a nap. She is still sick but she is doing a lot better. My cough is getting a little better. I am still suffering the chemo side effects. I am having a great deal of difficulty eating. The chemo kills appetite. It also makes everything taste weird. It causes most things to taste like metal. It also makes things taste extremely salty. I like salt, but I am having trouble eating foods that are even a little salty. It usually gets a little better about 10 days after the chemo. It hasn't yet returned to completely normal between the chemos, but it does get better. I have found I can eat milk cholcolate and that tastes almost normal. Dark is bad, mettalic. I also can drink milk and its not so bad. The taste changes are a known side effect of the carboplatin.

I have not lost any weight from this. Go figure! I don't eat more than a few bites for a whole week. When I go to the doctor and they weigh me I am the same. How can this be?? I said the same thing after surgery. They cut off parts. I didn't eat for a week and I weighed the same in the end. I go to the doctor tomorrow so I will see if I lost anything.

I am going to go back to work Tuesday morning at 7 am. I am hoping I am feeling ok by then. It is for my paramedic refresher, required by NY state, so there is no flexibility in the date.

Good luck to the NY Jets. My Aunt Joan and Uncle Mort should make them win!!!!!

Sick

The lung infection turned into a raging inferno. Julianna is sick too. She has an upper respiratory tract infection. I took her to the doctor yesterday. She seems ok but is on augmentin and tylenol. My babysitter Christine took her today even though she was sick. Thank God! There was no way I could have done much for her today.

I am chilling on my couch. I thought about going to the oncologist but I am scared that he might admit me to the hospital. I have to do the neupagen shot tonight. I am hoping it will increase my counts so I can get rid of this infection.

I can't wait until spring when chemo will be over!!

Chest X-ray

I had my chest x-ray today. The reason for this is that I have an unexplained dry cough. It can be nothing, pneumonitis caused by the herceptin, or the cancer could have spread to my lungs. Obviously the last scenario had been weighing heavily on my mind.

I had the prescription for the x-ray. The nurse practitioner wrote "STAT" on it, also scary. When I got there they took me in pretty quickly. They did two views. When I was finished in the radiology office I went upstairs to the oncology office.

The nurse practitioner said she would go down to radiology herself to find out the results. I waited awhile. When she came back she said there was nothing visible on the x-ray. They think it is an opportunistic viral infection of the lung. Yippie!!!!! I have never been so happy to have a lung infection.

I try my best not to let negative thoughts invade my head. I must admit it was very difficult this last week. I realize that the cancer being in my lungs would mean I would not be here to see my daughter's third birthday. It was overwhelming to me to even entertain these thoughts, but harder to make them go away.

I am so happy about the outcome of this x-ray!!!!!!

Thank-you everyone for your prayers, positive thoughts and words of encouragement. They mean more than you will ever know.

Pictures Chemo #3

Vanna trying on a cap!
The nurse giving me a shot of ativan through the port,

Ativan is good!!

Vanna keeping track of the order we are using the caps.

The cooler full of dry ice and cold caps.

Everything to drink, Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate

Colleen wearing a cold cap.

Colleen shocked at the temperature even though hers was pretty warm.