Update

I have had a lot of people ask me to update the blog, so here goes.


I had the port out in June. I was very happy to have it out. I have a pretty big scar but the port hurt and now it is gone. So that is good.


It appears I may have a hernia from the DIEP surgery. I went to a specialist to have it checked. He said it feels like a pretty large hernia. He said it is because I had had previous abdominal surgery. I have a scar from my c-section which is low and horizontal. I also have a scar from an appendectomy that I had when I was 18. That is a vertical scar and it meets the c-section scar. This surgeon told me it was pretty much a guarantee that I would develop a hernia after DIEP with these previous surgeries. He said I was not a candidate for the DIEP because of this and they should not have done it on me. He sent me for a CT scan to see what was up.
I had the CT scan. It showed the area still has a very thin, maybe 1 - 2 mm of muscle membrane holding it in. The surgeon said I can have it repaired now, as we previously scheduled, or I can wait until it tears all the way through. He said he guarantees it will, but he is not sure how long it will take. He said I will get a better repair if I wait because we are then certain where the weakest points are. If we do it now there is a possibility it may have to be redone in the future. I decided to wait. It does hurt though. He said to take advil for pain and come back if it gets unbearable.

When I had the CT scan it also said that my ovaries were prominent and that my endometrial lining was markedly increased. It said that it needed to be further evaluated due to my breast cancer history. I was made menopausal from the chemo but that has recently reversed so I figured it might be due to that. I went to my gynecologist. She said I need to get ultrasounds, both abdominal and trans vaginal and have ovarian biopsies. I told her I would just rather have them out and sent to pathology but for some reason she does not agree with that. I am going to get the ultrasounds and then I am going to look for a good gynecological oncologist for a second opinion.

I have certainly had enough with breast cancer so I want them out no matter what. If there is a malignancy that would obviously be horrific but since there is no way I can have another baby through my own body I really don't see the point of keeping the ovaries. Ugghh.

I go to Dr. Citron regularly for checkups and everything seems fine. That is good.

My Dad is progressing with his Alzheimer's disease. Tough to deal with. We do go see them very often. He enjoys seeing Julianna and we all do have nice visits.

My plans for having another baby have been progressing. Everything is moving along and we are looking at an early December embryo transfer. It has been a very slow process and I am so excited about it. I am hoping that the ovary thing is nothing big. If it does turn out to be malignant I may have to cancel the embryo transfer and that would be heartbreaking in so many ways.

I am trying to keep my mind off all the medical stuff and enjoy life. Julianna is going to be a skunk for Halloween and she is very excited about it. She says "I turn around, shake my booty and spray you!" It is super cute. She has a Halloween parade at school and I am going to leave work a little early to take her trick or treating.




Happy Halloween!!!!

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter!!

I hope everyone had a great Easter. Julianna and I had an awesome day.

Oncologist And Other Things

I had my check up with the oncologist. I had a physical exam as well as blood work. Everything is normal and that is great. I told him I am still very tired. He said I should try to do heavy exercise every day. I think that is a great idea but it has been hard to do. I am tired and I don't have that much time. I did rejoin my gym and I am hoping to get there more often.

I still have my port. I am hoping to get that out soon. It has been hard to schedule. I need someone to drive me due to the anesthesia and someone to watch Julianna. I am hoping to coordinate that soon. I had it all set up twice and they cancelled my procedure.

I also went to the breast surgeon. All was normal and I do not have to go back for a year now!! I was worried that the implant side might be leaking because the shape changed a little. Dr. Kostroff thinks it is just settling and doesn't feel anything suspicious. She said the only way to tell for sure is with an MRI, but she said it is very unlikely that there is any problem. Because I have only one implant I have nothing to compare it to. I must say I like the side with my own flesh much better. It is warm and much more natural. The implant side is cold and uncomfortable. I may do another flap in the future, I am still deciding about that.

Julianna had pneumonia and strep. It was a bit harrowing. She was fine when I sent her to daycare. They called me about 11 am to tell me she has a 101 fever. I zoomed over there to get her. When we got home I gave her motrin and I called the pediatrician to make an appointment. I got an appointment for 2:45. She was playing and seemed ok. I then heard a weird pleuritic rub sound coming from her. It sounded almost like she burped but it was coming from the side of her chest. It was only occasional. I called a few medical friends to ask them what they though about that. They asked if she was in any distress. No, she was not. She went in for a nap and then woke up about 2:15. Perfect timing for our appointment.

When I was putting her in the car I noticed that her hands looked mottled and her lips and nail beds were cyanotic (blue). I freaked a bit and was considering taking her right to the ER. I decided to go to her doctor since it was 5 minutes away. As soon as we walked in she vomited all over. I told them she needed to be seen right away since she was getting bluer. They brought her right back. The doctor said we needed an ER right away and had the nurse call 911. I called my friends at work to make sure they were sending someone great.

The doctor gave her a gram of a broad spectrum antibiotic. He said something big is going on here and it is moving fast. Her temp at the office was 102.7. She liked the ambulance (genetic?) and we had a great paramedic.

When we got to the ER her temp was 104.8. Her color was a bit better. They did a chest x-ray, blood, iv and rapid strep test. The strep test was positive. The chest x-ray was not read by the radiologist until the next day but was positive for pneumonia and reactive airway disease. About four hours later she made a great recovery and we were able to go home.

She had bacterial pneumonia which was actually good because it responded very quickly to the antibiotics. After all the years of being a paramedic I can truly agree that it is very different when it is your own child. We were really lucky that the pediatrician was so proactive and that everyone else was really good.

She is feeling great now. Today was her first day of soccer. She was the only girl there and she was awesome. Its fun to watch three year olds try to play soccer. They all sort of do their own thing. It is very amusing.

Other than all that, I have been working and enjoying life in general. I take care of my Dad every other Friday so my stepmother Betty can get a break. That is not too hard but it is sometimes emotionally tough. I take him to lunch and hang out with him. He continues to deteriorate. Alzheimer's is a rotten disease. Julianna loves to see Pop-Pop and Grandma. I know she knows that Pop-Pop doesn't interact just right, but she runs over to kiss him pretty frequently. We enjoy our visits.

I hope everyone is doing well. Thanks for all the help and positive energy! We love you all.

Julianna in the Er with her specail arm IV cover. This was when she was feeling better, just before we went home.

What's up?

So, I haven't posted here in awhile. What has been happening?

I still have my port. It was supposed to be removed but the surgery was cancelled due to bad weather. Paramedics show up in snow but apparently doctors don't. I am hoping to have it out sometime soon.

I have finished everything! I went back to Dr. Kostroff (breast surgeon) and I passed the exam with flying colors. I go back to the oncologist on 3/28. I will have blood tests and an exam. I will not need any scans unless the tumor markers rise, and that is not expected. It is possible, but statistically the chances are low.

As most people close to me know, my biggest emotional upset about the breast cancer was the fact that I would not be able to have another baby. It was a huge blow. I didn't want Julianna to be an only child. It upsets me for her, but also for her potential children who will never have an Aunt, Uncle or first cousin. My family and extended family have always been very important to me so it was so sad to think she wouldn't have that.

So, good news! I have retained the services of a surrogacy agency. I am going to have a baby but a surrogate will carry it. It will be a gestational surrogacy. That means, the egg will not be that of the surrogate. We will do invitro fertilization and the embryo will be placed in the uterus of the surrogate.

It is similar to an adoption, but different too. We will be able to do a pre-birth order so my name will go on the birth certificate immediately. Also, the agency sets it up so I will be able to room in the hospital with the baby.

I am waiting to match right now. I do have one potential match. There is a distance issue there but I may be able to overcome it. That surrogate lives in Tennessee. She sounds awesome and it may work out. She has been a surrogate before and that is great.

So, it will be great to change this blog from one of sickness to one of life! Keep your fingers crossed that it all works out!

Me and Julianna

                                                                          Julianna

Christmas Blessings

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought,

and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.
~Gilbert Keith Chesterton

We had a nice Christmas. It was mellow and relaxing. We stayed home. Alice Anne and David came and shared Christmas morning with us.

This was the first Christmas where Julianna knew what was going on. She was thrilled to learn about Santa and even happier that he felt she had been a good girl and brought her a lot of presents. I was thrilled to see how magical it all was to her.

Christmas was sad to me after my Mom died and worse after my good friend Marie passed away. It has regained a lot of its wonder through Julianna. When I was diagnosed with the breast cancer and before I had all the facts I never would have thought I would have the thrill of sharing all these times with Julianna.

My heart overflows with gratitude that I can have these great times. That I get to see Julianna add a pink hippo and a giraffe to our nativity set, knock the tree over to get a pink candy cane, take all the ornaments off the tree so she can drive them around in her jeep, have her crib filled up with everything that is her "favorite", which is everything and just laugh and laugh.

I hope everyone had an enjoyable Christmas. We had a great time but I wish we could have been with everyone we know. Tomorrow I see Dr. Kostroff (breast surgeon). I will update after. Thanks!!

Back From Florida

"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that they are difficult." ~ Seneca


We are back from Florida. We actually made it down there. My friend Lori drove us to the airport. When we got there I got wheel chairs for my Dad and Betty. I also had the three cats, Julianna and a carry on Betty insisted she had to have and couldn't check. It was logistically very difficult but having the wheel chairs helped a lot. We were able to go through security in a special line. We had to take each cat out of the carrier to have it checked. None of them got away and that was good.


When we got there I had everyone stay near the baggage claim when I got the rental car. I got it and loaded them all in. We got to their house at about 8pm. My Dad was completely confused but actually got better when we got to the house and he saw familiar things. Betty was completely wiped out since she had had surgery the day before.


Julianna and I went to Disney on Friday. She loved it and I loved seeing it through her eyes. It was a long day but it also gave my Dad and Betty the time to sleep and relax. They really needed that. On Sunday we heard that it was going to go below freezing at night. We were worried about my Dad's orange tree and decided to pick them all. I climbed all the way to the top and sent them all down. Julianna was pretty good at putting them in boxes. After we got about 5 boxes full and 6 or 7 hefty bags loaded up Betty said to stop. She said there was no way she could juice them all and they are hard to give away down there. We had to have gotten over 1000 and there are still a lot on the tree. I left the low ones so they can get them if they survive the freeze.


 We came home on Tuesday and are now back to work and school. I had plenty of activity and did great. I am hoping that continues and all the side effects go away completely.


Thanks everyone!!!!

No Cancer On Bone Scan!!!

“I have been sustained throughout my life by three saving graces — my family, my friends, and a faith in the power of resilience and hope. The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that.” - Elizabeth Edwards


My bone scan shows no signs of cancer!!!! It does show arthritis in both knees and hips as well as degenerative disease to the lower spine. I had those things in last year's scan but it has progressed a lot. That is likely due to the chemo. I can live with those things. I am thrilled that there is no cancer in there and I am going to make an appointment to have surgery to get the port out now that I know I won't be needing it anytime soon.

Betty had her cardiac catherization today. She called me this morning to say they wanted her at the hospital as soon as possible. I was going to take today off just as a catch up so I was home. I took Julianna to school and went to get my Dad and Betty. I took them to St. Francis. We got there around 10:30. They took her up to the cath lab around 12:30. They did the procedure at about 2:00. By 3:00 I could go up and see her. She looked great. They did not have to put stents in and she was able to leave about 7:00. They said she can fly tomorrow. She won't be able to lift anything and has to ride in the wheel chair through the airport.

My sister Alice Anne came and got my Dad about 1:00. She took him to lunch and the Cradle of Aviation Museum. He likes that. He really didn't understand what was going on at the hospital so it was great to have him go somewhere else where he could be busy. Alice Anne said he was having a hard time with Betty not being there.

So we are going to Florida tomorrow. A motley crew. Me, super bad bone and hip pain, my Dad, suffering from dementia, Betty, recently broken hip and fresh off the cath table, Julianna, full of energy and ready to run and of course the three cats. I am worried about the scanners because of my implant and my port. I also may have some residual radioactivity and that could be an issue. We are going to get there very early in case of issues. JetBlue is assigning an assistant to us and I am sure we will need one.

I was very sorry to hear about Elizabeth Edwards passing today. She was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer in 2004. Obviously I don't know her personally but nevertheless I found it devastating to hear. We are all sisters in this fight.
Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. This has been a tough week and I am so happy that it all turned out so well!!