Going to Arkansas

"However motherhood comes to you its a miracle!"

So I am off to Arkansas tomorrow! The big 20 week sonogram is at 8am (Arkansas time) on Wednesday morning. I will get to see Tierney and the baby. If all goes well we will find out the gender. I am pretty excited about it. I promised Julianna that I will call her when she gets picked up from school so I can tell her all about it.

My flight leaves Laguardia airport at 6am. I was not able to get a flight to Arkansas for under $900 and with less than 2 stops so I had to make some concessions. First, I hate Laguardia airport, but I am going from there. JFK is better because it is so easy to take the train there. But, there were no flights from there that worked.  I decided to go to Memphis instead. Memphis is about 100 miles from Little Rock. It appears to be a straight shot on I 40. I will zip over there in my rental car. I am staying overnight in Little Rock and then driving back to Memphis after the sonogram. I should get home at about 11 pm Wednesday night.

Julianna is sleeping at my friend Colleen's house tonight. She will drop her off at school tomorrow. My friend Vanna will pick her up tomorrow afternoon and she will sleep at Vanna's house. Vanna will bring her back to school Wednesday and Colleen will pick her up and bring her to my friend Lori who will keep her until I get home about midnight. It will be easy to get her home since Lori is right next door.

I worked my days off to make up for these two days so I don't have to waste any time off. I want to save as much as I can for when the baby comes. I used a lot for cancer treatment. Not fun, but I had no choice.

So it is all set up and now I am ready to roll in a few hours. Thanks to everyone for helping me out!!!!!!

Getting Excited!!

I am getting very excited about the baby. The "big" 20 week sonogram is on October 17th. I am going to go to Little Rock, Arkansas to see it. I am going to fly down on the 16th, stay overnight, see the sonogram and fly back. There are no direct flights from any of the New York airports to Little Rock. This means you have to change planes somewhere. The best airfares have you changing planes two or three times, but that is too much for me even if it is a big savings. I am still seeking out the airfare, stealthily checking various sites at all hours of the day and night. This method has worked for me in the past so I am hoping it works again.

My stepmother Betty has shingles. She is in a ton of pain. I went over there yesterday so she could go to the doctor. They confirmed it was shingles and gave her an anti-viral and pain medication. She is currently having very severe flu-like symptoms, fever and bad nerve pain. Of course this disease is stress induced. Her stress level is super high. If you can get the shot for this I would suggest it, it is a terrible illness. I called my pediatrician immediately because someone who has not yet has chicken pox can get the chicken pox from someone with shingles. She cannot transmit the shingles to anyone who has had chicken pox. In that case the disease is already dormant in your body. Julianna has not had chicken pox and her whole immunization schedule was disrupted, first because she was a preemie and needed RSV shots and then because I was having chemotherapy and she was not allowed to have any vaccines during that time due to the extreme immunosuppression from the chemotherapy.

We went to the pediatrician this morning and it turns out she actually had the varicella (chicken pox) vaccine right before I was diagnosed with the breast cancer. Score! But they did give her her last hepatitis B vaccine and a flu vaccine. She was a trooper as usual and we are finally all caught up with all shots. I wanted her to get caught up for her health as well as the new baby's health.

Tierney is super busy but she is feeling good. It is amazing that we are almost half way there!

Good News!

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
 ~ Henry David Thoreau


I had my MRI. I had an appointment for Thursday at 7:30 am in the Nassau Radiology (NRAD) Garden City office. Just as I was about to pull in the parking lot they called me and asked me to go to the Woodbury office instead due to some problem with the machine. So off I went to Woodbury in the heavy Long Island morning rush hour traffic. I got there and there was a wait due to them moving everyone around. The MRI tech marked the spot on my clavicle by taping vitamin E capsules to the spot. The MRI took about 40 minutes. It was super loud and they put a head immobilizer on me right before they slid me into the tube. I was happy to get out of there.

I went back to work after it. I had to give a lecture and just as I was walking out of it my cell phone rang. It was Desiree from Dr. Citron's office to tell me that the MRI was negative. They don't know why it is swollen and tender but its not cancer. Big relief!! That is an area where breast cancer often goes. I don't know why it is swollen either but a few weeks ago I had an incident where my elbow swelled up. It was very swollen, red and hot. I had not injured it as far as I knew. I went to the orthopedist and they said it was infectious bursitis. They put me on an antibiotic and antiinflammatories and it went away, but it took awhile to go away. So now I am wondering if the two things have anything to do with each other. I do not know but I am just happy it is not cancer.

I like to think I beat the cancer but it does creep in to mess with my head. Just when everything is great it seems like it creeps in to remind me, "not so fast, I can take it all anytime." I don't let it take me over. I really do my best not to think about it too much but sometimes there is no choice but to think about it. It does remind me about how lucky I am and how grateful I am for everything in my life.

Good Things and Bad

Tierney is feeling good. The baby is getting bigger. I am going to try to get to Arkansas for the 20 week sonogram.

I went to Dr. Citron, my oncologist, yesterday. I have some pain to my right clavicle that has been bothering me for about a month. He said it does appear to be inflamed there and is sending me for an MRI. He said it could be an inflamed sterno-clavicular joint. Of course they never tell you what else it could be.  But I already know that. They can't do the MRI until Thursday due to having to wait for insurance approval. Then I will have to wait for the results. I hate waiting for these tests, it is torture.

My Dad's Alzheimer's disease is progressing. Betty has been considering a nursing home. While that is probably a good idea it is very tough. He has been getting harder ans harder to care for which is what led to that decision. So she got to the point of making that decision and suddenly he started to get easier. It is like he knows and doesn't want to leave. I had him on Friday. I took him to lunch and for a drive. Then I got a pizza and picked up Julianna and we all ate together. He really was easier. It was hard to believe. We are still going to check into places so we are ready but for now it is on hold. I was happy that we got to have such an enjoyable visit.

All these things going on help me to put things into perspective. What matters, what doesn't. Julianna is involved in a lot of activities and I love watching her discover new things. She is such a happy little girl!

Three Years From Diagnosis

Three years ago today I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a long road but I am happy to say I feel great and I am very optimistic about my future. I realize the cancer can still recur but I do my best not to dwell on it. A number of women who were diagnosed with similar stage, grade, tumor markers and at the same time as I was have recurred and are now stage 4, but most are fine. I spoke to a lot of women on breastcancer.org. and I have continued to follow some of their journeys. It was a great site and I learned a lot there. Back then people told me I should join a support group. There was no way I could do that since babysitting was an issue for me, plus, a lot of the time I was too tired to go drive somewhere. Breastcancer.org is an online support group, discussion site and wealth of information. I highly recommend it to anyone dealing with breast cancer.

So for me it is a happy anniversary. I am happy to have gotten through tough tines and happy to be looking ahead. Tierney is almost in the second trimester. I really feel like we will make it this time and have a baby. Life is good!!

Moving Along!

Tierney is starting to feel a lot better. She says she is hungry all the time. She is also  (finally) off the progesterone shots. The progesterone shots are intramuscular shots that are needed every day. It is a think fluid and the shots are pretty painful. They also cause intense itching. These shots are required with in vitro fertilization (ivf). Why are they needed, you ask? Well, with natural fertilization the follicle on the ovary ruptures and the egg comes out and is fertilized, usually in the fallopian tube. The part of the follicle that is left behind after fertilization is called the corpus luteum. The corpus luteum produces progesterone to support the pregnancy until the placenta takes over. In ivf the egg is removed from the ovary via syringe. The egg is fertilized and then put back in the body. Or, in this case put back into Tierney's body. So, there is no corpus luteum to produce the progesterone. But now the placenta is making enough progesterone to support the pregnancy so she can stop these painful shots.

When I did IVF myself I had to do the shots. In my case I lost any pregnancies I achieved via IVF so I wasn't on the shots for very long with any cycle. When I was pregnant with Julianna (IUI) I used supplemental progesterone too. It was great when I got to stop so I know how happy Tierney is about that!

We have a week and a half to go until the second trimester starts. That is very exciting because the risk of losing the pregnancy goes down a lot at that point.

When the doctor did the last sonogram he said that the sack is measuring exactly as it should be but the baby is slightly bigger. He said he thought it would be a big baby. It is amazing that they can even say that at this point. We will see what happens. It will be strange to have a big baby after such a peanut last time.

Keep your fingers crossed!!!!!

Bad Morning Sickness

Tierney is super sick. So much so that she went to her doctor and he said her blood pressure was low. She said she hardly had any morning sickness with either one of her boys. Her mother said it is probablly a girl because only girls could be that mean. Her mother said she was pretty sick when she was pregnant with her.

I was super sick when I was pregnant with Julianna. I threw up every day up to and including the delivery. I vomited through the whole c-section and then they gave me something in the iv to knock me out. I missed seeing her which made me pretty sad. Damn pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome!

I am hoping that Tierney starts feeling better soon. She has another doctor appointment on Saturday and they will do another sonogram then. I am super excited about this baby but it is sad not to be there to experience everything first hand. I am not sorry to be missing out on the morning sickness though.

Feel better Tierney!!