Good News!

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
 ~ Henry David Thoreau


I had my MRI. I had an appointment for Thursday at 7:30 am in the Nassau Radiology (NRAD) Garden City office. Just as I was about to pull in the parking lot they called me and asked me to go to the Woodbury office instead due to some problem with the machine. So off I went to Woodbury in the heavy Long Island morning rush hour traffic. I got there and there was a wait due to them moving everyone around. The MRI tech marked the spot on my clavicle by taping vitamin E capsules to the spot. The MRI took about 40 minutes. It was super loud and they put a head immobilizer on me right before they slid me into the tube. I was happy to get out of there.

I went back to work after it. I had to give a lecture and just as I was walking out of it my cell phone rang. It was Desiree from Dr. Citron's office to tell me that the MRI was negative. They don't know why it is swollen and tender but its not cancer. Big relief!! That is an area where breast cancer often goes. I don't know why it is swollen either but a few weeks ago I had an incident where my elbow swelled up. It was very swollen, red and hot. I had not injured it as far as I knew. I went to the orthopedist and they said it was infectious bursitis. They put me on an antibiotic and antiinflammatories and it went away, but it took awhile to go away. So now I am wondering if the two things have anything to do with each other. I do not know but I am just happy it is not cancer.

I like to think I beat the cancer but it does creep in to mess with my head. Just when everything is great it seems like it creeps in to remind me, "not so fast, I can take it all anytime." I don't let it take me over. I really do my best not to think about it too much but sometimes there is no choice but to think about it. It does remind me about how lucky I am and how grateful I am for everything in my life.

Good Things and Bad

Tierney is feeling good. The baby is getting bigger. I am going to try to get to Arkansas for the 20 week sonogram.

I went to Dr. Citron, my oncologist, yesterday. I have some pain to my right clavicle that has been bothering me for about a month. He said it does appear to be inflamed there and is sending me for an MRI. He said it could be an inflamed sterno-clavicular joint. Of course they never tell you what else it could be.  But I already know that. They can't do the MRI until Thursday due to having to wait for insurance approval. Then I will have to wait for the results. I hate waiting for these tests, it is torture.

My Dad's Alzheimer's disease is progressing. Betty has been considering a nursing home. While that is probably a good idea it is very tough. He has been getting harder ans harder to care for which is what led to that decision. So she got to the point of making that decision and suddenly he started to get easier. It is like he knows and doesn't want to leave. I had him on Friday. I took him to lunch and for a drive. Then I got a pizza and picked up Julianna and we all ate together. He really was easier. It was hard to believe. We are still going to check into places so we are ready but for now it is on hold. I was happy that we got to have such an enjoyable visit.

All these things going on help me to put things into perspective. What matters, what doesn't. Julianna is involved in a lot of activities and I love watching her discover new things. She is such a happy little girl!

Three Years From Diagnosis

Three years ago today I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a long road but I am happy to say I feel great and I am very optimistic about my future. I realize the cancer can still recur but I do my best not to dwell on it. A number of women who were diagnosed with similar stage, grade, tumor markers and at the same time as I was have recurred and are now stage 4, but most are fine. I spoke to a lot of women on breastcancer.org. and I have continued to follow some of their journeys. It was a great site and I learned a lot there. Back then people told me I should join a support group. There was no way I could do that since babysitting was an issue for me, plus, a lot of the time I was too tired to go drive somewhere. Breastcancer.org is an online support group, discussion site and wealth of information. I highly recommend it to anyone dealing with breast cancer.

So for me it is a happy anniversary. I am happy to have gotten through tough tines and happy to be looking ahead. Tierney is almost in the second trimester. I really feel like we will make it this time and have a baby. Life is good!!

Moving Along!

Tierney is starting to feel a lot better. She says she is hungry all the time. She is also  (finally) off the progesterone shots. The progesterone shots are intramuscular shots that are needed every day. It is a think fluid and the shots are pretty painful. They also cause intense itching. These shots are required with in vitro fertilization (ivf). Why are they needed, you ask? Well, with natural fertilization the follicle on the ovary ruptures and the egg comes out and is fertilized, usually in the fallopian tube. The part of the follicle that is left behind after fertilization is called the corpus luteum. The corpus luteum produces progesterone to support the pregnancy until the placenta takes over. In ivf the egg is removed from the ovary via syringe. The egg is fertilized and then put back in the body. Or, in this case put back into Tierney's body. So, there is no corpus luteum to produce the progesterone. But now the placenta is making enough progesterone to support the pregnancy so she can stop these painful shots.

When I did IVF myself I had to do the shots. In my case I lost any pregnancies I achieved via IVF so I wasn't on the shots for very long with any cycle. When I was pregnant with Julianna (IUI) I used supplemental progesterone too. It was great when I got to stop so I know how happy Tierney is about that!

We have a week and a half to go until the second trimester starts. That is very exciting because the risk of losing the pregnancy goes down a lot at that point.

When the doctor did the last sonogram he said that the sack is measuring exactly as it should be but the baby is slightly bigger. He said he thought it would be a big baby. It is amazing that they can even say that at this point. We will see what happens. It will be strange to have a big baby after such a peanut last time.

Keep your fingers crossed!!!!!

Bad Morning Sickness

Tierney is super sick. So much so that she went to her doctor and he said her blood pressure was low. She said she hardly had any morning sickness with either one of her boys. Her mother said it is probablly a girl because only girls could be that mean. Her mother said she was pretty sick when she was pregnant with her.

I was super sick when I was pregnant with Julianna. I threw up every day up to and including the delivery. I vomited through the whole c-section and then they gave me something in the iv to knock me out. I missed seeing her which made me pretty sad. Damn pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome!

I am hoping that Tierney starts feeling better soon. She has another doctor appointment on Saturday and they will do another sonogram then. I am super excited about this baby but it is sad not to be there to experience everything first hand. I am not sorry to be missing out on the morning sickness though.

Feel better Tierney!!

Sonogram Today

Tierney had a small bit of bleeding today so they did a sonogram to check things out. There is only one baby in there. It is measuring fine for dates and they even saw the heartbeat. She is having pretty bad itching from the progesterone and of course bleeding is always a concern. They are going to repeat the sonogram in two weeks. Keep your fingers crossed that the baby stays in and stays healthy!!!

Waiting For Sonogram

Well, our first beta HCG was 112 (day 15 post ovulation) and two days later it was 237. The numbers are perfect for a single. The numbers make me and the (experts) on surromomsonline.com think it is a singleton. They do caution me that the sonogram is the only way to know for sure.

When I was pregnant with Julianna my day 13 # was 135 and day 15 it was 403. Everyone thought it was twins but when we had the ultrasound there was just one strong little heartbeat there.

Doctors say the numbers don't mean that much but there are entire websites devoted to these numbers. www.betabase.info and then before the blood test and using home pregnancy tests there is www.peeonastick.com .

Our first sonogram is scheduled for 7/18 at 10:30 am Arkansas time. Then we will know. In the meantime Tierney is feeling pretty sick. All normal for early pregnancy but nevertheless, no fun. She is super tired and has been going to bed by 9pm.

We believe the due date should be 3/4/13. This still has to be confirmed by the doctor. I am really hoping this baby decides to stay. I haven't told Julianna yet. It is too soon and you never know.

Keep your fingers crossed!!!!